birthdays are the loneliest days--

except for this year.

maybe its because i have so immersed myself in things so big that whatever i was supposed to feel that day seemed so insignificant.

in a way, it feels so sad that the longer you live, (hopefully) the more things get into your life, and however you were supposed to feel for anything gets microscopic you barely know if it's still in there, and yet it managed to change the course of your life. and as your life continues, this phenomenon grows exponentially. as a person who gets anxious over losing things, i wonder: where do the microscopic feelings go?

though i believe they are in there somewhere, however [even more] microscopic they have become, doesnt it mean that we're only allowed a certain portion of feelings-you-get-from-experiences per period-of-time, that when you experience more in life, those feelings already stored have to be crammed (therefore, reduced) in order to make room for the new ones?

people say life is about the process, and hopefully growth. i have grown so much out of my skin this year i feel amoebic.