little blu (beige actually) house

i remember going camping with some of my friends and my cousin when i was about 7. i cant recall much of it but what's really clear in my memory is someone from the tv company asked my name and then asked my mom (my parents were visiting) if they could take a shot of me acting like a happy girl or something. so then i did--badly obviously, because 1) i can't just "act happy with no reason" --they sort of just told me to "act happy" and i didn't know how so my parents sort of shouted "imagine mom arriving at home", which i did, but i couldn't get rid of the subtle "HOW TO DO THIS" expression. 2) they didn't contact me or my mom after the take. imagine how different my life would have been if i was real good at it. lol

my old house is gonna be sold pretty freaking soon (by the end of this month, my dad said) and i gotta be ready for the signing and everything. after that i'm gonna have to decide which city i want written on my ID card (which i haven't signed up for). it isn't that difficult of a decision except that i'd really like "Pamulang" better. i guess the only thing i can do is hold on to what's of more worth. i've made peace with the former owner of the house and have never felt more composed ever since. some people are going to hate me for this but i've (finally) come to realize that with any decision i make, there will still be people who won't like it. to light a candle is to cast a shadow.

i haven't decided if i'll take pictures of my old house. not because i don't like it or anything. i'm just afraid that somethinsomethin's gonna turn up in the pics when i develop the pictures (you know what i mean). not because i'm afraid of such things--of course i am--but i'm just afraid if i see any of it (or them) i wouldn't be able to see my old house as it one was: home.